You're Beautiful
by Higa
Summary: What would you do if someone you held dear was a cutter? What would you do if YOU were the cutter? What could you say to possibly comfort them? -Apologising now for slight OOCness. One-shot, rated T to be safe. GinxTsu. -We're all beautiful in our own way. Let's believe it.


Hello everyone :3 Welcome to my first ever GinxTsu fanfic! :D OMG I actually ship this couple so much! Not as much as OkixKagu, of course, but still...

'Neways, um, this one-shot actually DOES have a faint storyline. There might be places where you'd need a lot of inferring, but yeah. Please drop a review after, let me know your thoughts on this drabble :3

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Gintama or any of its characters, Hideaki Sorachi does. He's friggin' amazing.

**Note: The events in this fanfiction is FALSE. Made-up. I apologise if this offends you, if it does, please notify me.**

* * *

The first clue he'd received was vague. Just a momentary glimpse of tears in the hallway. He'd thought nothing of it, since the next time he saw her, she was back to normal.

He probably should've realised by the second clue. The unexplainable blood on the bathroom sink. He'd asked her whether she had her period jokingly, but she did not smile back. Instead, she had scrubbed it off like a crazed cleaner.

After that, he watched her like a hawk, trying to pick up any clues at all.

But she offered none.

She continued on with her life and he continued on with his.

Until now.

-x-

"Ne, Tsukuyo-_chan_, spare me some sake, alright? The old hag is being especially stingy tonight," Gintoki whined.

"But I have duty tonight."

"So cold!" Gin hiccuped. "What about strawberry milk? You'd surely have strawberry milk, right? A secret stash for Seita? If you have some, please give it to me! STRAWBERRY MILK IS MY LIFE!"

"Seita doesn't like strawberry milk. He has an adult taste, unlike you," Tsukuyo whacked Gin on the head with a rolled-up newspaper mercilessly.

"Ehh?! That's not good! Strawberry milk is at the root of every successful businessman! Everyone knows if you weren't fed strawberry milk as a child, you'll turn out to be a MADAO. Just like that guy," Gin jerked a thumb at Hasegawa, who was trying (and failing) to sell caramel popcorn.

"You're already drunk, aren't you?" Tsukuyo sighed. She carried Gin to Hinowa's home. "Rest here tonight. I'm going on patrol."

Just as she turned to leave, Gin grabbed the hem of her yukata.

"Let go, you drunkard," Tsukuyo said mildly, throwing a kunai to warn him off.

"You shouldn't work so hard."

"Hinowa told you to say that, didn't she?"

Gin stayed silent. Tsukuyo sighed.

"Tell her I said thanks, but there's really no need to care about a person like me."

Again, she turned to leave.

_Rrriiiippppp._

The majority of the bottom half of her yukata ripped off.

She looked back to see a huge grin plastered on Gin's face.

"You did that yourself," He raised both hands defensively.

She looked down.

He was right.

The kunai she had thrown had pinned the hem of her yukata to the wooden floor. Her floral shorts were now showing.

"Oh, so you like girly things, hey?" Gin sniggered.

Tsukuyo felt her heart sinking deeper into the black mud. She was embarrassed... and _angry. _At herself. _Again. _She mentally cursed herself for being so stupid.

"Don't look, you pervert!" She yelled, throwing a kunai at him weakly. She attempted to cover her shorts even if it was too late.

"Oi oi, be careful with an old man like me," Gin yelped, dodging the kunai narrowly.

Tsukuyo was about to pelt another one at him when-

"Tsukuyo?"

Tsukuyo frowned at Gin. "What is it, Gintoki?" She snapped.

"It's not healthy." He said shortly, a look of sorrow flickering across his face.

She looked down to see what he was talking about.

"Ah." A tiny gap in her yukata revealed a pale leg, covered in neat, parallel red cuts.

Tsukuyo rearranged the folds of her yukata hurriedly. "Some thieves got me the other day. Anyway, I better go change for duty."

He stopped her again. "You need to stop, Tsukuyo." He said softly.

All she wanted to do was run into his arms and cry. She wanted to have him listen to her story, and have him comfort her in the way he usually did.

But crying was weak.

"What I do is none of your business," Tsukuyo said over her shoulder as she shook his grip off.

She wanted him to chase after her and hug her from behind. She wanted him to whisper into her ears and tell her she was perfect. She wanted him to say, "I love you".

But that only happens in shoujo manga.

-x-

When she came back from patrol early in the morning, he was sleeping in _her _room. On _her _futon.

Tsukuyo silently cursed Hinowa for allowing Gin to sleep in her room. He snored like a bear.

She settled in the corner of the room and tried to catch some sleep. But she got the nightmare again.

The flames in Yoshiwara, all linked like a spider web. Hinowa burning alive, too slow to catch up on her wheelchair. Seita burning along with her, too slow to run with the burden of a wheelchair. Kagura, her bright orange hair like the flames, fading with the wind. Shinpachi, sacrificing himself to get the prostitutes out.

And the worst -

Gintoki, battling her master... and losing.

Tsukuyo woke up gasping. Sweat ran cold down her back.

"How long have you been having nightmares?"

Tsukuyo faced the direction of the voice. "Oh. Good morning, Gintoki."

"Don't avoid the question."

She forced herself to stare into his perceptive eyes. "For a long time."

Gin seemed to think for ages, never taking his eyes off hers. "Alright. How long have you been a cutter?"

'_So direct._' Tsukuyo thought.

"Too long."

"Well, stop."

Tsukuyo offered a short bark of laughter. "If it were that simple, I would've stopped ages ago, Gintoki."

"You have a beautiful soul, Tsukuyo. There's no need to do self-harm."

"My soul is tainted with darkness. What do you expect? I was taught by a pitiful master," Tsukuyo said coldly.

"You're different from your master. You have a pure, beautiful soul. Who cares about that old geezer?" Gin said, closing the distance between himself and Tsukuyo slowly.

"Even so, I'm not the same from you, Gintoki. Don't put us on the same page and pretend you understand what I'm going through," Tsukuyo hated saying these things, but she knew it was true. But even more, she hated saying these things because she _knew _that Gin had been through much more. Because he was always shrouded in mystery, his eyes were always dead, and through the laughter and stupid puns, he was a lost soul.

"Exactly. You're not the same as me, Tsukuyo. Don't waste your time making scars; use your time to make memories instead. Memories to change your life, regardless of your past."

'_Is it too late to make memories with you instead?_' Tsukuyo wondered.

"The past cannot be altered."

"Of course the past cannot be altered. So let your past be what it is. But you can change your future, Tsukuyo. Don't let your future kids see those scars," Gin whispered, removing the pin which held her hair up, the blood-stained pin she'd used as a weapon against herself.

"What're you doing?" Tsukuyo asked softly, her eyes staring at Gin as if pleading for help.

"Confiscating this. Such a beautiful ornament can only be used for good. And until you recover, I'll be holding onto it, so come see me when you're ready to kick some ass."

Tsukuyo smiled slightly. "And what about you, Gintoki?"

"What _about_ me?" Gin frowned.

"When are you going to stop, too?"

For a split second, Gin's deadpan mask shattered.

"I told you, strawberry milk is my life. I can't quit, not now, not ever," Gin threw a quick smile over his shoulder before standing up and heading for the door.

"You _know _I wasn't talking about the strawberry milk," Tsukuyo called out.

"But strawberry milk is at the root of everything."

'_Speaking in riddles again...' _Tsukuyo thought, trying to solve the complicated riddle.

"Gintoki?"

"Yeah?"

With her voice barely above a whisper, Tsukuyo was positive her message wouldn't reach his ears. Even so, she said: "_I love you._"

Gin smiled minutely and raised his hand as a farewell.

"I'm an old man now; too old for that stuff."

* * *

It's the end! :D Thank you so much for sticking with me until the end of this one-shot!

Please leave a review of your thoughts, any constructive criticism is welcomed. Ice-cream is also appreciated ~~

'Neways,  
**If any of you readers out there are feeling like Tsukuyo (in the sense of self-harm, not in the sense that you love Gintoki because we all do.) then please, by all means TALK to me because sometimes it's better to talk to a stranger over someone you know. Trust me, it works. And I promise I will listen.**

**I'm sorry if that didn't sound very reassuring, but, for those of you out there who are feeling like Tsukuyo, I love you and I hope you know lots of people love you too.**

~~ Higa :3


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